Choose Your Bespoke Wedding Planner France: 7 Questions

📖 Reading time: 12 minutes

Choosing a wedding planner shouldn't feel like a blind trust exercise, yet for many couples planning destination celebrations in France, that's exactly what it becomes.

You're entrusting someone you've likely only met via Zoom with one of the most significant—and expensive—experiences of your life. They'll coordinate with vendors who speak a language you may not understand, navigate cultural expectations you're unfamiliar with, and make real-time decisions on your behalf when you're 5,000 miles away or too overwhelmed to think clearly.

They focus on portfolios (which only show the highlights), pricing (which varies wildly for valid reasons), and package inclusions (which mean nothing if the planner can't execute).

They treat planner selection like shopping for a product rather than interviewing for the most important temporary team member they'll ever hire.

After orchestrating luxury château weddings across France for over 15 years—from intimate 50-guest gatherings to 172-guest multi-day spectacles — I've learned that the questions that reveal true competence, reliability, and fit aren't the ones most couples think to ask.

"Bespoke" has become wedding industry jargon, used so frequently it's nearly meaningless. But originally—and in its truest sense—bespoke means custom-made from scratch, designed specifically for you, without pre-existing templates or packages.

A bespoke tailor doesn't hand you a catalog of suit options. They measure you, discuss your lifestyle and preferences, source fabrics, and create something that exists nowhere else. A bespoke wedding planner does the same: they design your celebration around your specific needs, constraints, desires, and personalities—not around their standard offerings.

Here's the test: If a planner leads your first conversation with package tiers (Bronze/Silver/Gold or Month-Of/Partial/Full), they're not bespoke. They're offering productized services, which is fine—many excellent planners work this way—but it's not the same thing.

Why "Bespoke" Matters (And What It Actually Means)

Let's start with vocabulary, because it matters.

These questions aren't about trapping planners or playing gotcha. They're diagnostic tools—designed to reveal competence, character, systems, and fit. The best planners will appreciate them. The mediocre ones will stumble.

Describe a wedding where something went seriously wrong—and how you fixed it.

Why this reveals everything: Crisis response is the true test of a planner's skill. Any planner can execute a perfect wedding when nothing goes wrong. The difference between competent and exceptional shows up when the florist delivers the wrong arrangements at 2pm for a 4pm ceremony, when the groom's father has a medical emergency during cocktails, when a thunderstorm rolls in 30 minutes before an outdoor ceremony with no backup plan.

What you're listening for:
• Specificity: Vague answers ("Oh, we always handle issues") mean nothing. You want details.
• Calm problem-solving: Did they panic or systematize?
• Team coordination: Did they work with vendors to solve it, or did they try to fix everything alone?
• Client shielding: Did the couple even know something went wrong?

Red flag answers:
• "Nothing ever goes wrong at our weddings." (Impossible or dishonest)
• "It wasn't really our fault, the vendor..." (Blame-shifting instead of solution-finding)
• Defensive posture or reluctance to share examples

Green flag answers:
• Detailed story with timeline and decision points
• Multiple contingency options they activated
• Specific vendor names and how they collaborated
• Outcome: couple never knew there was an issue, or knew but felt fully supported

- Question 1

What's your relationship with vendors like? Can you give me examples?

Why this matters: Your planner's vendor relationships are their most valuable professional asset. Strong relationships mean:
• Better pricing (not discounts, but value)
• Priority service when things get tight
• Vendors who go above and beyond because they trust the planner
• Problem-solving partnerships instead of transactional arrangements

A planner with weak vendor relationships will coordinate your wedding. A planner with strong relationships will advocate for your wedding, pulling strings you didn't know existed.

What you're listening for:
• Name-dropping: Do they mention specific vendors by name and role? "Jérôme, our florist for Musée Rodin..." versus vague "our floral designers"
• Longevity: Have they worked together for years, or is every vendor a one-time partnership?
• Mutual respect: Do they describe vendors as collaborators or as service providers they manage?

Real example from my practice:
"I've worked with Clémentine Peonies Studio (floral designer) for 5 years. When we did Priscilla and Stephan's Gatsby Welcome Dinner at Château du Fey, she understood immediately that the 1920s aesthetic needed to read as 'opulent but not overdone.' She sourced burgundy dahlias specifically because they photograph as jewel-tones in candlelight and matches the Tea Ceremony setup. That level of aesthetic understanding comes from working together long enough that we speak the same visual language."

That's a green flag answer: specific vendor, specific project, specific aesthetic decision, years of collaboration.

Red flag answers:
• "We work with many different vendors depending on the client's needs." (No established relationships)
• Inability to name anyone specifically
• Describing vendors as interchangeable

- Question 2

Walk me through your entire timeline—from our first call today to the morning after our wedding.

Why this reveals systems: Planners without systems rely on memory, improvisation, and luck. Planners with systems rely on documented processes that protect you.

This question reveals:
• How organized they actually are
• Whether they have replicable processes or wing it every time
• What happens between the exciting moments (site visits, tastings) and the boring crucial ones (contract reviews, insurance, permits)
• How they hand off tasks and maintain continuity

What you're listening for:
• Specific phases with approximate timelines (12-18 months out: venue selection; 9-12 months: vendor booking; etc.)
• Decision points clearly marked (when you need to make choices)
• Communication cadence (weekly calls? monthly? ad-hoc?)
• Documentation they provide (contracts, timelines, floor plans, emergency contacts)

Green flag answer structure:
"Month 1-3: Discovery and vision alignment—we meet 2-3 times, I create a design proposal and budget framework. Month 4-6: Venue and key vendor selection—I present 3-5 venue options, we visit finalists, I negotiate contracts. Month 7-9: Design development and vendor booking—we finalize aesthetic, book remaining vendors..."

Red flag answers:
• "Every wedding is different, so we just adapt." (No systematic approach)
• Vague about phases or can't articulate timeline
• No mention of documentation or deliverables

- Question 3

What happens if you're sick, in an accident, or otherwise unable to be at our wedding?

Why this is non-negotiable: This isn't pessimism; it's professionalism. Any planner without a documented backup plan is gambling with your celebration.

I've been seriously ill twice during client weddings in 15 years. Both times, my backup planner (who'd been briefed throughout the planning process) stepped in seamlessly. The couples knew I wouldn't be there, but their weddings proceeded without a hitch because contingency planning was built into our system.

What you're listening for:
• Named backup planner (not "someone from my team")
• Backup's credentials and experience level
• How backup stays informed throughout planning
• Contract language about backup coverage

Green flag answers:
• "My backup is [Name], who has [X years] experience and has worked alongside me on [Y] weddings. They attend our major planning meetings and have access to all documentation. If I'm unavailable, they step in with full authority to make decisions per our documented plans."

Red flag answers:
• "That's never happened." (Not a plan)
• "My assistant would cover." (Unless the assistant is a trained planner)
• Discomfort with the question
• No documentation of backup arrangements

Question 4

Tell me about a couple you said NO to, or a project you declined.

Why boundaries indicate expertise: Planners who take every inquiry are either desperate for business or don't understand their own limitations. Expert planners know what they do well, what they don't, and when to decline.

I say no to approximately 40% of inquiries—not because those couples aren't wonderful, but because:
• Timeline is too compressed for quality execution
• Budget and vision are misaligned
• Aesthetic or stylistic preferences don't match my strengths
• Personality fit feels off
• Geographic or logistical constraints exceed my capacity

Saying no protects both parties. It's not rejection; it's professional honesty.

What you're listening for:
• Specific reasons for declining (not vague "it wasn't a good fit")
• Respectful language about the couples they declined
• Clear understanding of their own limitations
• Referrals to other planners who would be better fits

Green flag answer:
"Last year a couple contacted me for a 6-week timeline château wedding for 150 guests. I declined because quality vendor booking at that scale requires 6+ months. I referred them to [Planner Name] who specializes in compressed timelines. They had a beautiful wedding, but it required a skillset different from mine."

Red flag answers:
• "We've never said no." (Either lying or lacking discernment)
• "Some couples just don't appreciate our value." (Defensive or entitled)
• Reluctance to answer

Question 5

How do you handle family drama, difficult guests, or cultural conflicts?

Why emotional intelligence matters: Technical skills plan weddings. Emotional intelligence makes them enjoyable.
Your planner will likely spend more time managing family dynamics, cultural negotiations, and interpersonal conflicts than they will choosing napkin colors. If they're not equipped for this human dimension, your wedding will be beautifully designed and emotionally exhausting.

For destination weddings in France, this is especially crucial:
• Language barriers between families
• Cultural tradition conflicts (conservative grandparents + secular ceremony)
• French social etiquette unfamiliar to international guests
• Dietary restrictions meeting French culinary tradition

What you're listening for:
• Specific examples (anonymized but detailed)
• Mediation skills, not just logistical solutions
• Cultural sensitivity and awareness
• Boundaries around their role (they're not family therapists)

Green flag answer:
"I once worked with a couple blending Chinese and French traditions. The groom's mother wanted a full traditional Tea Ceremony, but the timeline and venue logistics were complicated. I scheduled the ceremony at 16h30 on the Welcome Dinner day—separate from the wedding ceremony—in the château's Salon East. This gave it proper reverence and time, satisfied cultural expectations, and didn't compress the main wedding day. Both families felt honored."

Red flag answers:
• "We don't get involved in family issues." (Impossible to avoid)
• "Couples need to handle that themselves." (Abdicating responsibility)
• No examples or discomfort discussing people dynamics

- Question 6

What's the ONE thing you absolutely won't compromise on?

Why values alignment matters most: This question reveals what the planner truly cares about—their professional non-negotiables. And it tells you whether your values align.

Some planners won't compromise on timelines ("I need 12 months minimum"). Others won't compromise on vendor quality ("I only work with insured, licensed vendors"). Others have ethical lines ("I don't work with venues that lack accessibility").

There's no universally right answer. But there needs to be an answer, and it needs to resonate with you.

My non-negotiable: Contingency planning. I won't produce a wedding without documented backup plans for every critical element—weather, vendor no-shows, medical emergencies, travel delays. This stems from personal experience: my mother was a single parent who taught me that hope isn't a strategy.

Some couples love this about me; they want that security mindset. Others find it overly cautious and prefer a more spontaneous planner. Neither is wrong—it's about fit.

What you're listening for:
• Clear, confident answer (not "um, I'm flexible about everything")
• Authentic reasoning (not generic "quality matters")
• Values that align with yours

Green flag answers will vary, but they'll all be:
• Specific
• Values-based
• Confidently stated

Red flag answers:
• "I'm flexible about everything." (No professional standards)
• Generic platitudes ("Quality always matters")
• Answer changes based on your reactions

- Question 7

Beyond the questions,

watch for these warning signs.

ultimate guide choose wedding planner france

🚩

The Red Flags: What to Avoid

Vague about processes
"We just adapt to each couple" sounds flexible but often means disorganized.

Defensive about questions
Professionals welcome scrutiny. Insecurity looks like defensiveness.

No clear communication cadence
"Call me anytime!" sounds accessible but usually means no boundaries or systems.

Can't name vendors specifically
Working with "a great network" means no established relationships.

Unwilling to provide references
Privacy is valid, but "all our clients are private" is evasive.

Everything is an upsell
Bespoke means comprehensive, not nickel-and-diming for every revision.

Promise everything
"We can definitely do that" to every request means either overconfidence or dishonesty.

Focus only on aesthetics
Beautiful photos don't guarantee smooth execution.

ultimade guide choose your wedding planner hera et lutece

Documented systems and processes
They can email you their planning timeline, vendor list templates, contract summaries.

Specific vendor relationships
They name-drop naturally because they actually work with these people regularly.

Clear boundaries and limitations
"I don't do X, but I can refer you to someone who does."

Contingency plans mentioned unprompted
They think about backup plans before you ask.

Questions for YOU
Good planners interview you as much as you interview them.

Realistic about timelines
They won't promise miracles but will work within constraints honestly.

Cultural awareness
For France: they understand French vendor culture, social etiquette, culinary expectations.

Transparent about fees
They explain what you're paying for and why, without defensiveness.

Luxury is about quality, opulence, high-end vendors, beautiful aesthetics. Luxury planners excel at producing visually stunning, flawlessly executed celebrations within established templates.

Bespoke is about customization, flexibility, and designing something that didn't exist before you. Bespoke planners excel at listening, adapting, and creating one-of-a-kind experiences.

You can have luxury without bespoke (a gorgeous Four Seasons ballroom wedding that's been done 100 times before).

You can have bespoke without luxury (an intimate, custom-designed celebration in a family garden).

Ideally, you want both.

The Difference Between Luxury and Bespoke

One final distinction that matters:

But if you're planning a destination wedding in France—especially if you're blending cultures, hosting multi-day celebrations, or creating something that doesn't fit standard templates—prioritize bespoke over luxury.

Because logistics and creativity matter more than opulence when you're coordinating across languages, time zones, and cultural expectations.

Find the planner who:

- listens more than they talk

- asks better questions than they answer

- says "Tell me more about that" instead of "Here's how we usually do it."

That's your person.

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